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"When you break up with us, that means it's over, and we will only sleep with you two or three more times."
More from Jane Krakowski
"You shouldn't pass up a three-way because you 'love us too much.'"
Even More from Jane Krakowski
"No, we didn't see last week's Battlestar Galactica."
"Women grab their crotches, too. We just have the decency to do it in private."
More from Padma Lakshmi
"Some of us prefer boxing to yoga. None of us actually likes Pilates."
"When considering whether or not to ask out the girl you're afraid to talk to, keep this in mind: No matter who you are or what you look like, it's always flattering when you hit on us. Always."
"We go to the bathroom together because we're doing coke."
More from Sarah Silverman
"We want to cuddle after sex because we're fucking freezing."
"Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy."
"The Brazilian bikini wax is torture. To show a little appreciation, you could trim your nose hair. And your nut sack."